How to show your son who is boss

How to show your son who is boss

There was recently a post in our private Facebook Group where a member was asking for advice on how to deal with his young fella who has been challenging pole position in the household. A bossy, disrespectful and defiant teenager who thinks they run the show… sound familiar?

We thinking good parenting doesn’t always mean cuddles and compliments, plus being the man of the house is important for a solid family unit. Members had a lot to say about dealing with the young fella too, citing past experiences with testy sons. The post read:

Hey guys, I have a 13 year old son that is really testing me.
I know the young fella is trying to prove that he needs no one and has even stood up to me face to face. He is 6’1 and the size of a Samoan, we have massive German blood that he has inherited.
The boy walked up to my face and said in Coles, “ I think I could take you now”.
I told him that “my head has been punched hundreds of times and that I know I can take whatever he has to offer”
I don’t want to teach the boy a lesson but my old man would have taken me to the back yard and flogged me with the garden hose across the legs. The boy know’s I’m old school but couldn’t care less because we can’t teach a boy anymore without jail time.
What’s your views?

Well, as you’d expect the boys of BA lit up with a whole host of suggestions. Many blokes suggested a backhand on the spot would have put him in his place, while other mentioned physicality being a short term solution that breeds resent. A common middle ground idea was to take him to the local ring, put some gloves on and figure it out.

Most people said take back control. One member who had been through the same experience said:

My son did the same once. I said "we won't fight. I love you too much". I then told him that I would make his life a living hell. I would let his bike tyres down daily, I would put mushrooms in everything I cook, I would shut off the internet to all of his devices except for homework done in front of me. I then asked him "do you want to play this game?" No problems ever since.

If the young fella’s that big at 13, we reckon you’d just be delaying a flogging in a few years time so we wanted to share some other advice for dealing with ‘alpha kids’ – yeah, that’s a thing.

Causes for a Teenager Asserting Dominance

Developmental Stage: Adolescence is a time of identity formation. Teens are figuring out who they are and where they fit into the world, which often involves questioning established norms.

Peer Influence: Teenagers are highly influenced by their peer group. If their friends are challenging authority figures, they might adopt the same behavior.

Testing Boundaries: They want to see how much they can get away with, where the limits are, and what happens when they cross them.

Seeking Autonomy: Teens have a natural desire for more autonomy and independence as they prepare for adulthood.

Underlying Issues: Stressors like academic pressure, relationship problems, or other personal challenges can cause rebellious behaviors.

 Here’s some things to work on: 

Be the man of the house: Your kid needs to know you're the captain of the ship. That doesn't mean being mean, but showing them that you've got things under control. Be firm on the rules, and it’s important to keep composure at all times or they will see you don’t have it under control.

Pick Your Battles: With some kids, you can't make everything a big deal or you'll go nuts. Think of problems as traffic lights. Red means "not up for discussion" like heading out late at night. Yellow is more like, "Hmm, does he need to get up early or can it wait an hour?" And green? Chill out if their socks don't match.

Set The Boundaries: You look after the roof over their head, their food, their transport, and their bloody internet. You’re the gate keeper, and don’t be afraid to make that known. If rules are broken, follow through with agreed-upon consequences.

Stay United As Parents: It’s crucial that both parent present a united front. Discuss the strategies in private and make sure you’re on the same page.

Acknowledge Their Maturity: Kids won’t be kids forever, and you can’t treat them like it. Recognise their changes and celebrate the positive attributes they are developing. Encoring maturity can often lead to more mature behaviour.

All advice and information on BA by its administrators and members is given in good faith. The advice is the opinions of our members and is not professional in nature. You should consider if this information is right for you and seek advice from professional services if necessary. Blokes Advice Co Pty Ltd does not accept legal liability or responsibility for the content of the advice or information or any consequences arising from its use.

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