How to Write Your Dad’s Eulogy When You Don’t Know Where to Start

There are few things a bloke feels less prepared for than writing his dad’s eulogy.

It is, as one bloke in the group put it, “the privilege and burden of a lifetime.” You are grieving, your head is everywhere, and somehow you are expected to fit one of your most important people into a short speech.

The first thing to know is this: you can’t fit in a lifetime, and you don’t need to.

A eulogy is not every date and event from his life. It is a few true moments that help the room recognise the man you knew.

Here is how blokes who have done it said to begin.

1. Get the Memories Out First

Do not begin by trying to write a polished speech. Start with rough material.

Write down four memories. Make a basic timeline. Or turn on your phone’s voice recorder and talk about Dad as if nobody else is listening.

If your mind is blank, call his brothers, old mates or workmates. Ask what they remember. A son only sees one part of his dad’s life, and their stories may bring back things you had forgotten.

Do not edit yet. Just get it out.

2. Pick the Moments That Show the Man

You do not need twenty stories. Choose one or two that reveal who he was.

“You don’t need to fit a lifetime in. Just one or two stories that show the top bloke he was.”

Think about what he loved, what made him laugh, what he was proud of and what he taught you. Include one little thing you will miss: a saying, a habit, the way he helped people or something he did that drove everyone mad.

Those details are what make people see him again.

3. Put It Into a Simple Order

You do not need a clever format. Give the speech a beginning, a middle and a goodbye.

One member described it as “start light, get heavy, finish light.” It is not a rule. If it sounds like you and feels true to him, it works.

4. Let Him Sound Like Himself

Use the words you would normally use. Do not try to sound like a politician.

If Dad loved a laugh, include gentle humour. Take the piss a little if that is how your family showed affection. You can mention harmless flaws or the things that drove you mad. Loving someone does not mean pretending he was perfect.

The blunt advice from the thread was good: write the good, write the bad, don’t bullshit, and say it from the heart.

If you use AI, use it only to arrange your own notes. Do not let it invent memories or replace your voice.

5. Make the Day Easier on Yourself

Reading the eulogy may be harder than writing it, so prepare for the emotion.

• Practise aloud.
• Print it in large type.
• Number the pages.
• Mark the places where you want to pause.
• Keep water nearby.
• Give a copy to someone you trust so they can take over if you cannot finish.

There is no shame in needing help. The tribute is in the words and the love behind them, not in whether you read every line yourself.

If you stumble, pause and breathe. Nobody in that room is judging your speaking. They are there because they loved him too.

You Will Do Him Justice

You may rewrite it ten times. You may cry before the first sentence is finished. None of that means you failed.

“Your love and respect for him will shine through. The specific words don’t, in the end, matter.”

You are not being asked to explain everything your dad was. You are sharing a few honest pieces of him with the people who came to say goodbye.

And if you are still wondering whether you can do it, remember what one bloke told the grieving son:

“You are the man he raised. He raised a strong enough man to write a few kind words.”

Editorial note: This guide was shaped from the original post and comments visible in the supplied screenshots. Member names have been removed, and some wording has been lightly edited or paraphrased for clarity and privacy.