Three to five times a week. Once a month if he's lucky. A whole year counted on one hand.
Then there was the bloke doing it “almost every day”. Monday almost. Tuesday almost. You know the rest.
A member of the Private Blokes Advice group asked how often the boys were sleeping with the misso, and how often they got knocked back. More than 700 comments followed. Here's what they had to say, shared anonymously.
If you've ever wondered whether everyone else is getting more than you, pull up a chair.
How Often Are Couples Having Sex? The Boys Had Every Answer
Some reported several times a week. Others said weekly, monthly or barely at all. One bloke's relationship swung from daily in some months to once in others. The three-on, three-off worker made the most of being home, then reckoned work fucked him for the other three weeks.
Marriage copped the usual spray. Five days a week before the ring, once a year afterwards. But the “just wait until you're married” crowd didn't have it all their own way.
Meanwhile, another bloke said he had a great relationship and would be stoked with once a month. Happy for the boys getting plenty. Jealous as hell, too.
You can love your partner and still be unhappy with your sex life. Saying that out loud doesn't cancel out everything good you've got.
The Reply That Started With “I Was Part to Blame”
One member described his partner juggling the kids, work, dinner and lunches while he left too much to her. After an honest chat, he realised she was exhausted.
Before you announce you've cracked the code, doing the dishes doesn't buy you a root. His point was that he finally understood what her day felt like.
Who remembers the school stuff? Who packs tomorrow's lunches? Who sits down while the other keeps going? Worth a look before you decide the problem must be attraction.
The bloke hoping for once a month said he was putting effort in too. His experience matters as well. You still need to find out what's happening at your place.
One Comment Put the Whole Thing in Perspective
Among the tallies and smartarse replies, one bloke said his wife had just finished chemo.
Other members mentioned depression, kids and changes around perimenopause. Some replies jumped straight to “she doesn't want you”. That's a fair leap from a stranger who knows bugger-all about your relationship.
Your frustration can be real while your partner is going through something real, too. Understanding their side gives you somewhere useful to start.
So, Are You Doing Alright?
A bloke getting it weekly might be happy as Larry. Another might feel unwanted. The tally alone won't settle it.
One member made a useful distinction between rejection and asking at a crap time. Another said talking regularly helped them through months that looked completely different.
Take these three things home:
- Work out what you're actually missing.More sex? A cuddle that doesn't have to lead anywhere? Your partner making the first move? Be specific.
- Have the chat away from a knockback.Try: “I miss being close to you. How have you been feeling about us?” Then give them room to answer.
- Agree on one thing you can change together.Share the jobs properly, make time without the phones or say what you each enjoy. Check back in rather than assuming one chat fixed it.
Threatening to get it elsewhere copped pushback in the thread. Fair call. You can be honest about being unhappy without pressuring someone into sex.
If you're both happy, enjoy it. If one of you isn't, that's the conversation worth having. “Some bloke on Facebook gets it five times a week” probably isn't your best opening line.
Got a question you can't exactly ask at smoko? Join the Private Blokes Advice group. The boys will have a few opinions.