Your Best Dad Jokes

Your Best Dad Jokes

Some might say Dad jokes are unoriginal, unfunny, or predictable... but at Blokes Advice we know these little nuggets of gold are indications of comedy genius. One of our members asked the group "What is your worst Dad joke?" & the 700+ responses had us in stitches. From the corny lines, to the dirty & disturbed, here are the pick of the bunch!

 

I don’t tell dad jokes very often, But when I do, he pisses himself.

 

I brought a dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door

  

My wife asked me the other day if i've seen the dog bowl.

I looked at her confused and said, "I never knew he did".

 

Had my first cage fight the other day.

Budgie never knew what hit it.

  

A car just ran into a horse trailer and I heard the horse is in a stable condition.

 

A bloke came up to me while my dog was licking his balls.
He said “I wish I could do that!”
I said “you better pat him first”

 

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Cos they’re really good at it.

 

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is heavy, the other is a little lighter.

 

I used to date a twin and people would always ask me how I could tell them apart. Cheryl used to paint her fingernails white and Bob had a cock.

 

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Why can't you hear a granny when she goes to the toilet?

Because her lips are under water

 

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre

 

A dad is driving down the road with his kids in the car when he sees some cows.

Dad: "Look kids, a flock of cows."

Son: "No dad, herd of cows."

Dad: "Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there."

 

Started a yacht business in my attic and sails been going through the roof

 

I knew a bloke that had a brake fluid addiction. He said that he could stop whenever he wanted.

 

My wife couldn't understand why I bought a ton of spaghetti. I told her I was building a car and she called me an idiot. Should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 

 

You blokes going to protest this weekend?

They're protesting fairy bread.

Cops are expecting hundreds n thousands

 

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night. I’m at the hospital waiting to be seen.

 

My son and I where fishing at Inskip Point, he would have been about 8.

He feels weight on his line and drags in a slimy green small tree branch.

He holds it up and jokes “Can we cook this for dinner tonight Dad?”

I look him in the eye, shake my head slowly and said..

“No mate, we only have a non-stick pan!”

 

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around

 

I made a belt out of watches... was a waist of time

 

Heard on the news the other day that a bloke was in a car crash, hit a tree and literally lost the whole left side of his body.

He's all right now though

 

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

 

What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint

 

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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

 

I was devastated when the stationary shop moved.

 

What's worse than a cardboard box? Paper tits!

 

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Argh...gobble...argh....gobble....

 

What do you call a Mexican Midget? - Paragraph…. Cos he’s a little essay..

 

If your uncle jack helped you off an elephant would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

 

Did you know that the people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones?

But the people in Abu Dhabi do

 

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