Amongst posts asking for advice, there's always a few golden threads which give the boys a great scroll and endless laughs... and of course when the topic of 'what are the greatest lengths you've gone to to get your tip wet?' came up, we knew it was time to strap in.
We're keeping names out of this one, but here are a collection of the best stories from the group.
Long story short, I made a bet with a girl that I had a unicorn tattooed on my balls. She didn't believe me and she was right to do so. She was so confident that we made a bet that if I did, she'd have sex with me. She then said she'd be over in an hour to validate it so I didn't know what to do. So I ran up the shops and got a felt tip pen and drew a unicorn on my balls. It was really difficult as it was a warm day so I had to splash myself with cold water to get a tight sack and improve the canvas. I did a fucking awful job but by the time she came round, it was dark. I changed the bedroom light with the one from the kitchen which had blown so I just had a lamp for a bit of dim light and she couldn't ask me to turn the room light on for a better look. Anyway, she saw it and was like, "that's the worst tattoo I've ever seen". I explained it's really hard to tattoo ball sack skin and she went with it even though she pointed out that unicorns don't have wings. Apparently that's a pegasus. Regardless, I got what I needed
Took her for a nice walk down the beach for a few hours. We chatted and laughed and had a great time. Then the shots wore off and I realised I was dragging a mannequin through a woollies carpark.
Kept doing laps of a maccas drive thru until she gave me her number, buying 50c cones every time. Ended up nailing her housemate too.
High as, walked about 3km after a night at the pub in Moree, everyone paired off and I was left with a girl 3 times the size of me. She asked if wanted to come back with her. I said yes. She asked " you know what you're coming back for right?" I bowed my head and said yes. She put some porn on to set the mood just that little bit more. Not sure if it was the nose beers or the scenario but I couldn't finish and couldn't sleep. Slipped out from the bear like cocoon she had around me and hightailed it at the crack of dawn. Still have trouble sleeping to this day.
Ate a ham cheese tomato toastie with no ham to impress a hot hippy vegetarian chick.
Chasing Blokes Advice threads? Use the code BLOG20 to save 20% off your order!
I once had the holiday completely booked an all, sent her confirmation she was posting it on her story got her passport details everything went around to hers and did the dead only to refund the trip the next day.
I once took a chick fishing to catch trout and the trout ended up better off.
The year was 2001, I had just scored a job slinging parts at a performance shop called the racers edge. I’d been chatting up the local hottie named Mia at a sandwich bar, my go to being a tuna sandwich no crust. After punching on with her brothers jealous mate and almost losing my job I decided to go street racing and win her brother over by offering the pink slip to my sex spec Mitsubishi eclipse (it had a cool air in-take, nos fogger system and enough power to blow the welds on the intake). Unfortunately I lost race at the end but as the cops showed up I was able to gain his respect by saving him from jail time. Mia dropped me home that night and after a romantic date at a restaurant with candles by the name of cha Cha cha I sealed the deal. We’re now family.
Well, we think that's enough of that for today. For more outrageous stories, or to drop your own thread, head over to the Blokes Advice Facebook Group and share it with 1/4 million Aussie guys. It's 100% male, and a private group so brace yourself for some old fashion banter, laughs, and the help a fellow bloke out from time to time.
